Our Little Glass

As humans, we have a strong connection to our pets. We become emotionally attached and make them a part of the family. They become our companions, our best friends, our children. We spend thousands of dollars to spoil them, nurture them, and care for them.

This story is about our little Glass. Our champion full of curiosity and gusto, balls of steel and no fear. Yet as loving and kind as they come. Always there to give cuddles, help cook a meal, or just say “Hello” to anyone who he came in contact with.

Glass came into the world breach. My son had to help the poor little guy out of the birth canal. He was a middle kitty, not the first and not the runt. But definitely the smallest of the litter of 4 and a will to fight for life.

He had the biggest, roundest blue eyes I have ever seen on a kitten and used them to scope out the world around him.

Every morning when I would wake up he would greet me on my way to the bathroom and spend some quality cuddle time with me as I prepared for my day. Every evening when I would be in the kitchen preparing dinner for the family, he would sit on the hot water tank and peer through the opening in the wall over the stove. He watched my every move as if helping me to prepare the meal. Every once in a while he would try stepping down onto the stove to get a closer look at what was brewing. I would gently pick him up and set him back on top of the water heater and tell him “NO.” It was a little game to him which I came to enjoy and even laugh at.

Bear our 9-year-old Maine Coon (the big kitty in the above photo with Glass), took an instant interest in Glass. Acting as Glass’s mentor to teach him everything he needed to know about being a cat.  The two became fast friends and inseparable. Glass followed Bear around like a lost puppy. Mimicking his every move. Glass even looked like a miniature version of Bear. Believe it or not, the two are unrelated though the similarities are huge.

 Last night, Glass’s curiosity and natural gusto got the better of him. With those balls of steal I mentioned earlier, Glass decided to jump over an 8-foot tall privacy fence to say “Hello” to the Great Dane neighbor dogs. We were all inside and had no clue what was going on. As we heard our neighbor yelling, we ran outside to see what the commotion was about.

The neighbor had already had her dogs off Glass and was in the process of herding them into her house. When my son got to poor Glass, he was still holding on and breathing. The emergency vet was over a half hour away. So we rushed him straight to the car and on to the vet, calling ahead on the way to let them know we were coming. The poor little guy fought all the way there. We had the forethought to grab a stethoscope to continue checking his heartbeat. Unfortunately, there was nothing the vet could do and Glass gave up his fight.

I do not blame the neighbor or her dogs. She is a good neighbor, her dogs are good dogs. This was the natural order of life. Situations like this happen and there is nothing anyone can do to change them. Animals have natural instincts and no matter how much we as humans try to curb these natural tendencies, it is not possible.

We will have a hard time for a while and nothing will fill the void of our beloved Glass being gone from our lives. However, as I stand in the kitchen, in front of the stove and look into the empty place on top of the water heater where Glass used to sit, the thought going through my mind is that it is important for us to let our neighbor know we hold no animosity towards her or her dogs. That we will all be okay in time. That forgiveness is not needed as no one did anything wrong to forgive.

We will always remember you Glass!

Your Loving Family

BUT … BUt … But … but …

This one little three letter word carries an immense amount of meaning behind it. 

I would but …

I am overwhelmed.

I can but …

rejection would hurt too much.

I will but …

I hate the thought of it.

It can’t hurt but …

I don’t think I can do it.

I see, but …

you just don’t understand.

When we focus on the BUT, we are focusing on the afterthought which in most cases is the negative in any given situation. It means we cannot see things working out in a positive direction. Our minds are closed off.

If we can somehow manage to leave the BUT out of any given sentence or thought. This alone will automatically change our perspective in the right direction. We will be happier, more focused, and able to reach our goals.

I can …

get that new job.

I will …

overcome any obstacle.

I have …

a positive outlook.

I would …

like to see this through to the end.

I see …

great things happening in my future.

Do you see the concept of leaving out the BUT and what it can do for your thought process? This one little word hinders our progress, holds us back, ties us down, immobilizes us with fear. Most of all it prevents us from being in our wise mind and cements us to our emotional minds. If we know this, why is it we feel such a deep routed need to use conjunctions in our lives? 

We know it is cold outside in the winter. Therefore, if we touch our tongues to a metal post it will stick. BUT … we do it anyway!

I would like to challenge anyone reading this article to a dare. I DARE  you to stop using the BUT conjuncture in any sentence you speak or write for 1 week. Just try it! See how your mindset changes over the course of that week and let me know the outcome.

 

 

LIFE = A cook in a kitchen

Life tends to be like a cook in a kitchen. The simplest blandest and most tasteless meals are boxed microwave dinners, that take only seconds to make. All the greatest and most delicious meals, take time to simmer for that robust flavor to shine through and start… by making a huge mess. ~Cheynoea

My Writing Journey

From the tender age of elementary school where childhood eyes gaze upon the world in wonder as they discover their surroundings. To the tumultuous life of a teenager bearing the mark of lost innocence and heartbreak. To the age of maturity, where life experiences have developed knowledge and understanding of the world. I have been a writer. It is in my heart, in my soul, and makes up the very essence of my being.

I now, cannot imagine a life without paper and pen or computer and keyboard to express in great detail the thoughts and emotions running feral through my brain. Whether it is a poetic remembrance, a non-fictional comedic rendering of a life event or a fictional world in which my daydreams took me. Writing is a passionate and emotional endeavor providing stress relief and healing for my soul.

I have not taken the traditional path that lead to professional training as a writer. I have not had anything of significant value published as a writer, and have only just begun to pursue my dream of becoming a professional writer as a career.

Over the years, I have started writing projects and been drawn away from those projects by life events requiring my time. Sometimes those life events were so demanding it took me several years to write even one paragraph. However, I have always longed to write.

Those times that prevented me from my writing, left me with a deep void, an emptiness needing to be filled. It was as harsh an ache or deep a wound as one could have. Nothing would heal it other than the act of pouring my bleeding soul out into an emotional accumulation of words resembling coherent thought.

Once the words were safely combined and written in black and white, fear of rejection and failure as a writer prevented me from sharing any of my work. What if I spelled a word wrong? What if I used the wrong punctuation? What if no one read it? Worse yet, what if they read it but hated it? Would there be rave reviews or difficult to hear criticism? Could I handle it constructively and continue my journey or would I shut down and give up just like that?

I imagine these are thoughts that most people have about whatever they are passionately pursuing. As human’s it is natural to have fear. The key, or so I have learned, is not to let our fear rule our brains. For some, this is an easy obstacle they can leap right over. For others like me, it takes years of maturing and training our brains to overcome. Personally, I am in a huge self-help stage of life. I enjoy learning new ways to empower myself, lift myself up and blast myself into the unknown abyss without fear of what is waiting for me out the other side.

Writing and maintaining this blog is just one of those ways I can do just that. I hope you all enjoy what I write.

 

 

Building Good Relationships

Wether you are young or old, introverted or extroverted, new to an area or have lived there a long time, you desire to build friendships and make connections to other people. Sticking with the theme of my last post on Validation vs. Invalidation I wish to now discuss how to effectively make connections and build lasting friendships with others.

First to be effective at building new relationships or even improving old ones, one must be able to look within themselves to determine past and present relationships that have failed or otherwise never even gotten started. You must be willing to find and embrace your own inner flaws that created those social failures. You need to think about what contributions you personally made to those relationships good and bad. And finally you must be willing to make a conscious choice to change and improve.

Lets face it, this is a very hard concept to wrap our heads around. I think it is safe to say that not one person on this earth enjoys or feels good admitting their own flaws. It is hard to face others when we are acknowledging we were wrong in something we said or did. We feel like a failure which brings out a whole host of negative emotions. What we don’t realize is that failure is an entirely positive experience if we are in our wise minds. It means we cared enough to make an effort. We tried. Which is far better than not trying at all. It gives us valuable insight about ourselves that we can then use for areas of improvement.

We would never walk up to someone new we were trying to impress and win over and tell them we hate their shirt, their shoes are ugly, or that mole on their face is disgusting. We would never ask them why they styled their hair that way or wore that pair of jeans. So why do we tend to do that to close friends and family we have known forever? It breaks those people down and causes negative energy. The person would not like us very well and would do everything they could to avoid being around us. They may even start talking about us to others in a negative light which spreads the negative energy. See the pattern here?

Building good relationships and finding new friends takes an extreme amount of effort on our parts. They don’t just fall in our laps nor do they come knocking on our doorstep. Friendships don’t magically fall from the sky. We must make ourselves available and to some degree vulnerable to others. To be available means getting out there and being seen. To frequently attend functions you know a certain group of people attend all the time. To join social groups of activities and hobbies you enjoy. Or even start and host a group yourself and put up fliers and run ads about gatherings you are planning for this new group. If you make yourself consistently visible to a certain group of people who you wish to become friends with, you then become familiar, recognizable, approachable, and even safe.

Like building a house or a skyscraper, building good relationships takes time. Once you have made yourself recognizable and ‘common’ to others the next step is to add communication to the equation. You can do this by simply giving someone a compliment on something they are wearing, the way they have their hair, what music they are listening too. Literally anything that will open the doors of communication will work as long as it is upbeat and positive. Maintain a smile on your face even if you are uncomfortable. Act happy, act like you are having fun even outside of your comfort zone. The more positive you are the more people will desire to be around you.

Truly listen to the other person or people when they speak without thinking of what your next response will be. Pay attention and show you are curious and interested in what they have to say. As hard as it may be, you must stop trying to impress others by focusing on yourself and comments surrounding your own accomplishments. It is fine to reveal little tidbits here and there but do not overdo it. It is much better to connect by revealing one thing about yourself at a time. A little mystery goes a long way in gaining the curiosity of others.

The worse thing you can do when trying to build good relationships is to assume what others think about you. It is so easy to fall into this trap. We all have things we judge about ourselves so we automatically assume others think these things about us as well. If a person has not come right out and said something to us, give them the benefit of the doubt and let your fears of judgment go.

Ask and answer questions to get involved in the conversation. Then respond in a positive thoughtful manner without a 10 minute essay dominating the conversation. STOP… just stop multitasking. Don’t constantly look at your phone for the time or chat via text message with others. Don’t look around the room every few minutes as this will make it seem you have no interest in who you are with. Be in the present, the now with the person or people you are with.

When trying to relay a negative emotion to others “I wish…” and “I worry…” statements are so much better than “Why do you…” or “You always…”. “You” statements cause an automatic defensive response. They shut the other person down and make it seem you are berating or scolding rather than simply sharing your own emotions.

It’s a long road but with a little effort and a lot of care and concern, I am sure you can build the types of relationships you desire that will last and others will admire. Take a leap of faith and put yourself out there.

A Reactive and Recovery Society Changes Nothing

It is simply not enough for a school system to hold an assembly a few times a year and call that an anti-bullying policy. They MUST start acting on a preventative measure ALL YEAR, every single day! Like a drill Sargent…. drill that point home!

Bullying is a LEARNED trait that any child or adult from ALL walks of life and races are susceptible too. It knows no boundaries. Part of the problem is people who stereotype definitions onto certain classes of people. It would be a false statement and certainly will not help the fight against such horrors.

I believe the more awareness we bring forward into society the better things will become. The harsher punishments we give to bullies AND their PARENTS and The school systems involved the more we can start preventing cases like these.

I also believe that schools should have a rating system in place according to how well they stand up against bullies. We sure do focus on the Great Schools rating for test scores, why the hell not for their ability to stand up to bullies?

This rating system should take into account the number of reported cases they have per year and what actions they took on those cases. Names do not have to be told which will allow for HIPA to remain in place. However any action the school took should be made public knowledge. How serious the case was should be public knowledge. If the school failed to respond it should be public knowledge.

Strict gun laws are NOT going to prevent a problem. The problem lies with the disiplinary actions of the schools and parents. The failure from the adults surrounding the teen to be active participants in the kids life. This includes parents and school administration. Therefore those adults should be held accountable just as much as the students who shot up the school.

Maybe if the school system rates poorly on this rating scale, some much-needed government funds will be withheld from them. This should kick them into gear on protecting and preventing rather than reacting and recovering.

Just my 2-cents.

 

Patterns- Validation vs. Invalidation

Searching the internet on any given day and reading the many blog posts & news articles and watching videos you come across, it is easy to notice some patterns where the human psyche is concerned. These patterns are repeated the world over without prejudice to race, religion, gender, nationality or age.

There is one such pattern I would like to touch base on today, validation vs. invalidation.

Invalidation is when a person’s thoughts and feelings are rejected, ignored, or judged. Invalidation is emotionally upsetting for anyone, but particularly hurtful for someone who is emotionally sensitive. Invalidation disrupts relationships and creates an emotional distance. It breeds a disturbance in the life-force of the person being invalidated causing depression and anxiety. If left unchecked and ignored the person then has the potential to become annoyed, aggravated, bitter, frustrated, grouchy, grumpy, hostile, easily irritated, angry, and even vengeful. Ultimately the person will withdraw from social activities altogether, develop introverted tendencies and start doubting if life is worth the struggle.

Validation is when a person’s thoughts and feelings gain recognition or affirmation and their opinions are acknowledged as valid and worthwhile. Validation is emotionally uplifting for everyone no matter if you are emotionally sensitive or not. It cultivates positive relationships and experiences. It breeds feelings of happiness, joy, relief, satisfaction, contentment, hope, and cheerfulness. It binds the life-force of the person being validated to the person giving validation and produces positive energy. This positive energy can be seen and felt by all who surround the person being validated.

Now, let me be the first to say, I am not an expert on the human psyche. I have no degree or formal training in a school type setting. I do however have a lifetime of experience being bullied or invalidated myself and witnessing it happening to others. I have spent countless hours discussing such social issues with my daughter as well as others. I have spent years attending therapy with my daughter to help her through her depression. I have had the pleasure of attending DBT Skills Training again, with my daughter, and any other group setting I could find in an effort to learn and grow in this area. I have bought books to read and workbooks to complete. So I do feel I have some level of valid knowledge on this subject.

One thing I keep coming back to over and over again is that it is absolutely possible, YES, I did say it is 100% possible, to validate every single person you come in contact with on a daily basis. All you have to do is one, just ONE of these things: give them a kind look, nod your head in agreement, smile at them, be polite, or simply just pay attention when they speak. You don’t even have to open your mouth to say one word of response to help another person feel validated. You do not have to agree with what they are saying. You don’t have to like what they are saying. Just a simple gesture to give them the indication that you heard them is all it takes.

So why then, if it is so very easy to help another feel validated, is it so hard for us as a human race to follow through on this concept? None of us like feeling down or depressed, none of us like being ignored. We hate it when others fail to validate us. So why is there so much hate being spread around? Why does invalidation take the lead? The Golden Rule applies, “Treat other’s how you wish to be treated.”

I want to challenge all of you to make a mindful point today to validate another human being you come into contact with. Not only will it make them feel good, you will feel good as well. Spread acceptance, spread love.

 

 

 

April 18th Marks The Big 45

As I sit here this morning reminiscing about the last 45 years of my life, I am humbled to share this day with some great events of the past and some not so great.  Such as Gene Autry’s Back in the Saddle Again and the great 1906 San Francisco Earthquake. I am grateful for the many people I have met on my journey and the ones yet to come. I am thankful to have made it this far in life and still have more life to come. And I am blessed by the two wonderful biological children and the 5 other adopted children I consider mine whom all give me a reason to smile, Dustin, Cibila, Johnnie, Kevin, Anna, Bobby, and Mikey! I love you all so very much.

It has been a long journey full of potholes, deadends, curves, and reroutes. As well as smooth roads, beautiful landscape, and peaceful easy feelings.  (Yes, I had to link to the song). We all know the quote that goes something like this: “It’s not the destination that matters, it’s the journey.” For me, that has never mattered more in life than this very moment. Even through the worse of times, I made it! I am here today! I am still standing, still alive, and determined to make the journey count.

So today, instead of focusing on the April 18, 2018 Conspiracy theories. I will choose to relax without a worry or care in the world. I choose to remember the faces of all the people I love and who love me and smile. I choose to plan for a long and happy future because the world is NOT going to end today.

Today, I choose to place my focus on little notes like the one pictured below and remember that this is what life is all about.

 

 

Facebook Birthday Charity Campaigns

So my birthday is coming up soon and I noticed on Facebook I keep getting popups reminding me of my birthday and asking me to donate my birthday to a special cause. What does this mean? Well, it means Facebook wants me to start a fundraiser in my name or birthday to honor some charity of my choosing.

Now, I get that the world is turning to the digital marketplace more and more every single day.  This cannot be avoided or disputed. But I do have a huge problem with companies that try and get me to solicit money from my friends and family “For a good cause.”

If you are like me, you HATE the solicitation calls on your phones or the knocks on your door asking for a few minutes of your time. Most of us have put up NO SOLICITATIONS signs on our doors letting these types of folks know they are not welcome. But how do you avoid getting these popups or annoying ads on social media such as Facebook?

Let me just say, I have no problem donating to charities when I can. I am very picky about the charities I donate too and the reasons why I donate. Most of the time I don’t even ask for a receipt and don’t claim it in order to get a tax break. I like to do it of my own free will without asking others to do the same. I don’t need to create a fundraiser in my honor on my birthday in an effort to gain some fame for doing what should come naturally.

Never once have I had a birthday party. Even as a child my birthday was just another day on this earth. I can count on one hand the number of times I have even had a birthday cake let alone any sort of presents. I know saying this makes me sound bitter, but my point is that if I have gone unnoticed my entire life on my birthday, what makes Facebook think that I can ask others to donate to a charity of my choosing on my birthday? And why is it that I just have to be reminded of how insignificant I am in this world?

It is not that I don’t care about certain causes, because believe me, I do. Sure Facebook provides an outlet for your connections to remember your birthday and post a happy birthday message on your wall. But how many of these people actually matter in your life? How many of them truly care about you? How many of them are sincerely wishing you a happy birthday rather than just going through the motion because they got the Facebook notice?

The digital world has some significance, but it is not reality. 364 days a year I put others first. I go out of my way to help when I know it is needed. If I know someone needs help and I have plans, I change my personal plans in an effort to be there for the person. I give my time effort, money, food, clothing, and love to others. I am also a sounding board for others to vent all their woes too. All I ask for is one day a year to relax, forget all of the stress, problems, issues, desires, and woes of others and be selfish. One day a year to think about me first and take care of refreshing myself so I can do it all over again.

Facebook is trying to take even that away from me now by suggesting I become a solicitor for a charity. At least, that is how it makes me feel when I see that ad pop up on my Facebook page. So now I can feel guilty for wanting one day a year to be selfish. I can feel like I am failing someone else in this world by NOT creating a donation campaign for a “good cause.” And now, I can feel like I will be even more unlikeable for stating my unpopular thoughts on this issue.

I just have to take a breath and know in my heart of hearts that asking for one day a year to be selfish and think of me does not make me a bad person no matter what anyone else thinks or says.

Questioning Humanities Past and Future

Browsing YouTube tonight I came across this video that has over 4 million views and felt a strong desire to share it. Coming from a family with strong Native American roots, knowing the history of my people is important to me. Each video, story, news article and the like that I come across just aids to further my enlightenment on things I had been previously ignorant about. Why was I ignorant about these things? Well simply because the true history of our “Great Nation” is not taught in schools. It is hidden from public consumption and tossed aside as if “Out of sight, out of mind.”

If we don’t discuss it, don’t admit to it, and ignore it, like everything else in life; we take the mentality that it does not exist or did not happen. The great thing about today’s world is that we have a vast database of knowledge at our fingertips. More and more is getting out to the public on a daily basis causing widespread enlightenment. People are tired of being lied too. We are tired of being hushed, cast aside and ignored. So we are seeking out this knowledge and taking it upon ourselves to learn from past mistakes of those who came before us.

In my opinion, we cannot continue to ignore or hide our actions nor do a majority of us want too. We must own up to our guilt and make amends for the wrongs of our past. Failure on any scale is a positive thing. It teaches us where we went wrong and what we can do in future attempts to succeed. The problem comes in when we continue to make the same mistakes and repeat history. In doing so we prove we have learned nothing so the experience and suffering held little value.

The atrocities we impose on one another, especially those who are different than ourselves are detestable and unacceptable. More and more people are coming to realize this as time goes by. More and more people are standing up and speaking out against such actions, yet the people we elect to be our leaders ignore us. Why? I think it has many explanations most of which is fear. The question then becomes why do we fear what we do not understand? Why do we act out in hurtful and abusive manners stemming from that fear? Why, if so many people know and understand this and seek to stop it from happening, does it continue to happen?

As individuals, speaking out only adds insult to injury. It is no different than complaining about a long line in the grocery store you had to wait in or traffic that was unusually high volume preventing you from getting to where you are going on time. It just sounds like worthless jabbering in an effort to vent and complain. It won’t ever work to solve major issues we face because there is no value in individuals speaking out according to society.

So my final question is WHEN? When are we going to actually stand together as a unit, a whole, a team? When are we going to create the environment we all seek to live in where everyone is accepted for who they are as a fellow human being?

These are just some of my major thoughts that come to mind after viewing this video. Please don’t hesitate to leave a comment with your viewpoint, I would love to hear what you have to say.