I have to admit, I must be the worst blogger out there. I have spurts of time where I am posting every single day, sometimes more than once per day. Then I can go a year or two without posting at all. It does not make for a very popular blog.
I do not know why I am like this. That’s not true, I do know. It is my BPD. I get super involved in a project and focus all of my available time on that one thing. Then I suffer from burnout syndrome and need a break. The problem comes in when that break takes months and even years to correct and find my way back.
I love to write. I love sharing my stories with whoever chooses to read them. I love writing poetry especially. So why is does there seem to be such long-lasting lapses in time where I don’t write even one word of type?
The only reason I am even here today walking down memory lane is that a fellow classmate of mine (Thanks Pete) asked me for the correct link to my blog so he could read some of my work. I had to come to the blog to get the link for him. This in turn took me down a deep rabbit hole of rereading some of my posts.
I am ashamed at how long it has been since I last wrote. I am ashamed of the last post I posted, being one stating that I was finally publishing a book and asking for support for a Kickstarter campaign that I TOTALLY forgot about. I have not done a thing with that Kickstarter at all. In fact, I don’t even know if it is a valid campaign anymore. I have no clue how to sign into it or even get to it.
Needless to say, I am also ashamed that I lost the files to my poetry book I was working on and never published it. Again, it is a depression/BPD thing. Part of my personality that I have come to just accept. I start projects and never finish them just like I start school and never seem to finish it. I have good intentions when I start these things. You could say I am full of “High hopes” my dreams lead me down a path… and getting trapped inside my own head stops me dead in my tracks. If something starts to get hard, I quit. I am a quitter! I hate that part of myself. I don’t even know if anyone can relate to this side of me.
How can I learn to start something that I actually finish? I really have a strong desire to publish that poetry book. It is a dream of mine. But now I have to start all over from scratch and try to find and compile all of my poems again. So can I do it? That is the question.